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About Literature / Hobbyist Member Edward DyerMale/United Kingdom Group :iconliterature-accepted: Literature-Accepted
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Thanks for contacting me! I hope you find my quick words helpful. The aspect that stands out the most for me here is the vision: it's a...


Hey there Jason, I’m back again from #GrammarNaziCritiques Since you’ve said that this is a true story, I’m sort of wary about critiqui...


:devgrammarnazicritques: here. I’m Ed, and I’ll be writing some detailed feedback on your work. I love the title, I think it works well...


Hey there, sorry it’s take me a while to get to this! But I said I’d read through it, and I have. I’ll start off by saying that you hav...

Proofreading and Editing for Literature


Hello there, my name is Ed and I work as a proofreader of prose literature here on deviantART. I've been editing short stories and novels for many years, but have only recently discovered how many pieces there are uploaded to dA. So far, I've critiqued over 200 pieces.

I will critique:
-Short stories
-Chapters Novels
-Scripts
-Poems
-Comics

I will not critique:
-Fan fiction (unless I've been contacted and I know of the subject)

Here are a few examples of my work:


Have a look through my Critiqued Literature Gallery to see everything I've proofread on deviantART: here!

Rates
Because of how varied different literature pieces can be, my rates vary. Generally, the cost ranges between:
Note: There is no flat rate that many other editors charge.
  • $2-3 (£1.50) per 1,000 words.
  • $5 (£3) per 1,000 words for pieces needing more depth/time.
  • Poems vary within this price range depending on length.
  • There may be a discount for full length novels (contact me for more details).

The Process
If you would like hire me under these conditions then the first step would be to send me a 'sample' of your work, along with how much detail you'd like from the critique (rewrite, comments only, grammar, suggestions, character work, narrative structure...) I will read through the sample (first chapter etc) and gauge how long it will take, as well as offering a price. If you are happy with that price and estimated time I will send you my paypal details. 
For one-off pieces: Half the agreed payment is sent before I start work, half once you have received the edited script.
For chaptered novels: After the first chapter is returned, payment for that chapter is sent. From then on, all payments should be sent before any more chapters are edited.

I prefer to work using the comments system on Microsoft Word, but I'm just as happy to use dA's commenting system to send your critique.

All rights to the work remain the property of the original author (you). All I ask is that I'm mentioned in any references to editing or general assistance :) (Smile)

If you have any questions feel free to contact me here (note) or through my email: edward.dyer@me.com 


The Fallen Star


When I first started writing this story, I didn't realise where it was going to take me. I started off with just a few words scrawled on a piece of paper about 'the light of a fallen star', which I then lengthened into the beginning of a short project at school. But, when that was done, I really wanted to carry on and find out what was going to happen next.

I kept writing, and now over 250k words later, here I am! Of course, that's spread over four books I've written so far.

My goal throughout this series to create a whole new world, with new plants, animals, places. From the very start, I knew I didn't want to steal ideas from others, such as Elves, Dwarfs, Hobbits etc. For example, The Fallen Star takes place on Truaine, MAP UPDATED one of three planets that are referenced throughout the book.

The first book is now officially FINISHED


Chapter 1: fav.me/d5asm06
Chapter 2: fav.me/d5atfty
Chapter 3: fav.me/d5b16ue
Chapter 4: fav.me/d5b1i79
Chapter 5: fav.me/d5b6xwl
Chapter 6: fav.me/d5b6yfn
Chapter 7: fav.me/d5bbo4r
Chapter 8: fav.me/d5bbwl5
Chapter 9: fav.me/d5bcihg
Chapter 10: fav.me/d5c5hit
Chapter 11: fav.me/d5d1uka
Chapter 12: fav.me/d5dfmfl
Chapter 13: fav.me/d5edh3h
Chapter 14: fav.me/d5edmqs
Chapter 15: fav.me/d5edocs
Chapter 16: fav.me/d5edqrl
Chapter 17: fav.me/d5eh6kl
Chapter 18: fav.me/d5er5p6
Chapter 19: fav.me/d5fieho
Chapter 20: fav.me/d5firh4
Chapter 21: fav.me/d5fk0mx
Chapter 22: fav.me/d5fqtov
Chapter 23: fav.me/d5fvtzy
Chapter 24: fav.me/d5gyu89
Chapter 25: fav.me/d5gywkh
FIN.

The Fallen Star: Trapped Within Cover by TheFS

^^ The second book, The Fallen Star: Trapped Within, is underway...



TFS: Trapped Within is technically a two-parter, but will be uploaded as two 'books'. This means that the parts will be shorter than book one, but together, probably longer.

Chapter 1: fav.me/d5iurnv
Chapter 2: fav.me/d5j0onl
Chapter 3: fav.me/d5ju1wl
Chapter 4: fav.me/d5k1oiq
Chapter 5: fav.me/d5qv6j3
Chapter 6: fav.me/d5qvcoc
Chapter 7: fav.me/d5qvdxg
Chapter 8: fav.me/d6ptdhb
Chapter 9: fav.me/d7xxu2g
Chapter 10: fav.me/d7xxtia
Chapter 11: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 12: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 13: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 14: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 15: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 16: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 17: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 18: [Coming Soon]
Chapter 19: [Coming Soon]

Please Write a Critique by LumiResources

Characters


The Watchers
Rantil - The main character.
Lakor - Rantil's friend, and colleague
Hamsol - Rantil and Lakor's teacher. He is teaching them the skills of the Watcher.

Nichal
Saru - The leader of the village, Nichal
Ganarth - Second in command of the village
Bora - The Hunter
Qzen - The Doctor
Neetha - Rantil's neighbour
Neico - The Schoolteacher

Wrestek
Putoko - Rantil's best friend, when they were children
Yaneria - Putoko's sister

Siale
She - Leader of the Sett: the governing body of Truaine
Filoto - She's slave and cruel minion
Torku - Takes lead of the Council in the Watchers' absence

Ciameth
Kantou - Chalder from Ciameth, who comes to Truaine to correct a mistake she made
Ulmak - a powerful Ciamethian
Dawren - Kantou's father
Evron - Atarpa's brother

The Degarn (Book 3)
Atarpa - head of the Degarn, carries a great wisdom
Hungaru
Verrat
Taivas
Sile
Jinova

Demons
The Demon - a demon from Dremnor, who seeks revenge for the inprisonment of his race
The General - Head of the Demon Army, which invades Truaine

Others
Shieef - An old woman, living in the wilderness
Worral - A lost, alone man, who has kept and hidden the key to the Temple for many years
Bal'si - the Shaman of the Uraal-si'tu

There are plenty of other characters, but these are the important ones.

Activity


Tomorrow
by Edward Dyer
Day 28/28

Note. Whenever a character speaks, a spotlight lights them.

The chatter of a busy street.


TOURIST (Repeated) Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry. Can I just… Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.

Presented on the stage is a single chair surrounded by a circle of another eight chairs, facing the audience. ADAM sits on the central chair, while the ENSEMBLE sit around the circle in the following order (clockwise, beginning at the chair furthest UCS):

1 – TOURIST
2 – GIRL
3 – BOSS
4 – empty, except for a 7-year-old girl’s backpack draped across the back
5 (DCS) – SISTER
6 – FRIEND
7 – empty, except for a couple of crumpled scraps of paper and general litter
8 – WIFE

TOURIST Excuse me. Can you take my picture, please?

Silence.

ADAM climbs backwards onto the seat of the chair and then climbs onto the back support. He is perilously close to losing his footing. The support creaks. He holds his breath and comes to a calm freeze. He falls forwards.


Lights out.

He comes back to sitting on the chair.

A baby’s cry echoes, completely out of place. Adam listens and bows his head, briefly.


ADAM That’s me. And I know exactly what sort of life he’s going to have. I can see it all – all of it. It’s a road. Filled with potholes and smooth driving. Stretching from birth to death in an unending highway of shit and magnificence.

The baby stops crying.

WIFE Come on, Adam. Please. Of course now is the right time!
ADAM Soon. It’ll be soon. Let’s just get a little more settled before we…
WIFE You know our first anniversary was last month.
ADAM Our wedding was in June?
WIFE No. When we moved into this place. We’ve always said we’d turn that spare room into a nursery.

At the same time:
WIFE Come on, Adam.
FRIEND Come on, Adam!

FRIEND Shots are only a quid tonight. It’s that new place, where Carnival used to be.
ADAM You know I’ve got lectures in the morning. Nine am.
FRIEND But it’s Amy’s birthday!
ADAM I’ve got an essay due…
FRIEND Stop worrying about it, bro.
ADAM Fine. But I’m leaving at one. A couple couldn’t hurt, I suppose.
GIRL You suppose?
ADAM No! I didn’t mean it like that.
GIRL You could’ve met me by the school gates you know.
ADAM I could?
GIRL Here’s fine though.
ADAM I dunno. I thought. I dunno.
GIRL Are you gonna kiss me, Adam?
ADAM What? No. I wouldn’t…
GIRL I wouldn’t mind. If you were thinking…

At the same time:
GIRL Is this your first time? Don’t worry.
BOSS This is your first time, isn’t it? There’s no need to worry.

BOSS It’s very simple.
GIRL Just, kiss me.
BOSS This is your work screen. It looks complicated, but it’s not. Are you listening? Good. Like I mentioned in the interview, it’s your job to monitor the overall usage against consumption. We’ll start you off with a relatively small catchment area, let’s say, Lower Basingstoke. They rarely exceed their quota, except maybe at peak times, before the morning rush, after Corrie, half time coffees, that sort of thing. We can siphon power from the grid – energy coming straight in from the offshore turbines. You can do that by pressing that button. Twenty-five thousand kilowatts each time. If you feel like you need more, use code five, four, eight to contact the hydraulic dam in Langley. They’ll be able to spot us for a while. All of this information is in the handbook.
TOURIST Excuse me.
BOSS I hope you’ve got it with you. You’re going to need it!
TOURIST Excuse me. Can you take my picture please?
BOSS Have you got it?
ADAM Yes, of course.
BOSS Excellent. It’s all quite simple when you’ve got the hang of it. Relax. You’ll do fine.
TOURIST Can you take my photo? Excuse me.

At the same time:
TOURIST Can you take my photo, please?
SISTER Take it already. I can’t smile forever.

ADAM Flash or no flash?
SISTER What does it matter? Just take the fucking photo, dick-brain.
ADAM Hold still then.
SISTER The flash didn’t go off.
ADAM Fuck off.
SISTER So, what’s this for? Something to remember me by?
ADAM Why, are you going somewhere?
SISTER Dick. Uni. You are.
ADAM And I’m sure you’ll be able to survive without my beautiful mug around the house.
SISTER Adam.
ADAM Hmm?
SISTER Adam. Are you listening? Adam.

SISTER, BOSS, WIFE
Are you listening to me?

ADAM Yes. I am, yes.

At the same time:
SISTER I’ll miss you, Adam. You’ll Skype me, everyday, won’t you?
BOSS Adam. Keep it steady. At around fifty. You’re spiking.

WIFE Adam! I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a father!
ADAM There’s something I need to do.

SISTER, BOSS, WIFE
What?

ADAM I have to find him.

A tape starts playing. MAN, who is emptying a series of wheelie bins into a garbage truck, talks through the tape recorder. Spotlight on the empty chair surrounded by litter.

MAN Oi, kid? What do you want? (Beat). Am I s’posed to know you or something?
ADAM No.
MAN Then fuck off.
ADAM Are you James Horner?
MAN What’s it to you?
ADAM And you used to know someone called Susannah Porter.
MAN Fuck off, kid. I ain’t got time for this.
SISTER He obviously didn’t want to talk to you, Adam. Mum’ll kill you if she finds out you went looking for him.
FRIEND Leave him, bro. He’s a tosser, sounds like. Good job he left, I say.
ADAM Susannah. She remarried.
MAN Fuck off, kid. I won’t tell you again.
ADAM How could you leave her like that?
MAN I don’t know what you’re talking about.
ADAM You really don’t care, do you? What you did to her?
MAN If you don’t piss off right this second, kid, I’m not responsible for what happens next. Accidents happen.

Spotlight off the empty chair.

WIFE What were you expecting, Adam? Him to well up with tears at the sight of the son he left behind? You weren’t even born when he left. (She shifts uncomfortably) Adam? Adam! I think my water just broke. (She tenses and gasps) Adam!

A baby starts crying. ADAM suddenly overjoyed. He is close to tears. He tales his bay in his arms and the crying stops.

ADAM I know who are you. Come here, sweetie. Hello you. It’s nice to finally welcome you to the world. She’s so small. She’s so tiny. What if I drop her? No. No. Of course. Hello. Welcome to the world, Michelle. It won’t seem too long until your first word. Your first kiss.
GIRL Adam. Just, kiss me.
ADAM Of course, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
GIRL (Laughs). Urgh. What ever was that, Adam? (Look down at his crotch) Oh god, Adam. Seriously.
ADAM No, I just…
GIRL That’s just disgusting. Hey, Jodie! I got him to kiss me! Yeah. He’s such a loser.
ADAM But it doesn’t matter now. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Michelle. This is good. This is good.

The baby vanishes.

BOSS Adam. Listen to me. Adam. You can’t keep turning up late. I’ve got a staff of eighteen people and if one of them doesn’t keep their eye on the job then we’re going to have outages. We don’t have outages around here. Not since I took charge. I’m not saying this is the end – but I need you to start taking more responsibility.
FRIEND Ah, so what, man! There’s plenty of other jobs out there. If he doesn’t think you’re up for it, then find something else.
BOSS You’re good at what you do, Adam. I just need some extra commitment.
FRIEND Let’s blow off our plans tonight and go for a drink, yeah?
BOSS Everyone on the team loves working with you. It’s a long time since Lower Basingstoke, eh? They all say you’re a down-to-earth guy. That’s what I need around here.
FRIEND No, no. I get it. That’s cool. You don’t need anyone, bro. Go fly solo for a bit. Stay home. Have a night in. Relax.
BOSS I can’t pester you to get the job done. Your reports at the end of your shifts aren’t consistent and it’s throwing all our estimates out. I feel like I have to badger you, all the time, and I shouldn’t have to.
FRIEND Watch a movie. Get a take away.
BOSS I can’t keep doing it, Adam. You arrive and I badger you.
FRIEND Have a wank.
BOSS Badger.
FRIEND Wank.
BOSS I know you’ve been having some other problems lately. I overheard you talking about it the other day. Something to do with your sister?

SISTER is curled up on her chair, crying.

SISTER Adam? Can you hear me? Are you there? Please pick up.
WIFE You’ve got to get back there. She’s called you four times this week. I think it’s really serious this time.
ADAM I can’t just leave you and Michelle.
WIFE Of course you can. Your sister is in trouble and she needs her big brother.

At the same time:
WIFE We can cope without you, for a few days at least.
SISTER I thought I could cope without you. Adam. Adam.

SISTER Can you hear me? I don’t know what to do. I need help.
WIFE You told her, right at the start. That guy she was dating was trouble.
ADAM She said he’d changed. She said he loved her.
WIFE If you love someone, you don’t send them to hospital Christmas Eve. She blacked out. God knows what he’s done this time. She needs your help, Adam. She’s scared and alone and she’s got no one else to turn to. Take my car. If you leave now you’ll get there before it gets dark.
ADAM Ok. I’ll be back in a few days. Ok, Michelle, you be a good girl for Mummy.
WIFE She’s always a good girl, aren’t you, sweetie?
SISTER Adam, where are you? I need you to help me. I don’t know what to do.
WIFE Michelle. Come back here. Daddy will be back soon. Stay away from the road. Michelle!

ADAM lunges forwards to try and pull his daughter away from the path of an oncoming car. Tyres screech and there is a thump. A spotlight appears simultaneously on the empty seat with the backpack on it.

SISTER Adam, are you on your way? What’s taking you so long?

Silence.

ADAM Is anyone sitting here?
WIFE No, no. Go ahead.
ADAM Thanks.

Silence.

WIFE Do you need the paper? Today’s paper. The guy before you left it here. I’ve been using it to prop up my laptop.
ADAM No, thanks though.

Silence.

WIFE No, no. You’ve got it all wrong.
ADAM It all sounds too complicated to me.
WIFE It only matters once economic growth hits three percent. Any lower than that and inflation can’t take hold. Take Lincolnshire for example, without a growth rate of at least two point four percent, the…
ADAM Another coffee?
WIFE Sure. Thank you.

Silence.

WIFE I’ve got to go. I’ve already stayed later than I should.
ADAM Yeah, me too.
WIFE I’ll see you next week. Same time. I’ll be here.
ADAM How about tomorrow?
WIFE My place.

Silence. Spotlight off the empty chair.

WIFE, BOSS
Adam. You need to listen to me.

WIFE I wish she hadn’t run after you, Adam.
BOSS I’m sorry to hear what happened.
WIFE I don’t know you’re thinking and I’m so worried about you.
BOSS Life goes on.

WIFE, BOSS
Are you listening?

ADAM Yes.

At the same time:
WIFE We can’t carry on like this.
BOSS I can’t let this continue.

At the same time:
BOSS It’s been three months.
WIFE It’s been six months Adam. You can’t just lock yourself away like this. We both need to pick ourselves up and carry on. You were a great Dad.

FRIEND Hi, Adam. I’m just calling, again. Just to see if you’re alright. I haven’t seen you since the, you know. There were plenty of people there. I’m just worried about you. You’re so…
WIFE You’ve been…
BOSS You’re…

At the same time:
FRIEND …out of it.
BOSS …unresponsive.
WIFE …vague.

BOSS And I can’t have that. Not here.
WIFE Adam. Things have changed.
FRIEND Come on. You’ve got to look forwards.
BOSS Life goes on Adam. It always does. But I’ve already given you enough second chances.
WIFE What about your sister? She’s still with that twat-head. She needs you just as much as I do.
BOSS I’m sorry Adam, I really am. But I think it’s best if you pack up your things.
FRIEND Ring me as soon as you get this. Maybe we can go for a pint?
WIFE Because… we’re not the same any more. And you know what’s worse?
BOSS I’m sorry, Adam.
WIFE You’re not even going to fight to make it better again. You’re just going to let it all end. We’ve both lost our child, Adam. But now we’re going to lose each other, too.

A baby starts crying again.

ADAM That’s me. And I know exactly what sort of life he’s going to have. I can see it all – all of it. It’s nothing but potholes in the road. Birth to death on an unending highway of shit.

The baby stops crying and the sound of the busy streets returns. ADAM stands.

ADAM And what do I have to show for it? Why should I believe in myself when no one else does?

The ENSEMBLE repeat the following lines quietly and sporadically. The pace quickens until it’s a loud, uncomfortable voice in ADAM’s ear.

GIRL I got him to kiss me. Yeah. He’s such a loser.
BOSS Life goes on Adam. It always does.
SISTER Don’t ever leave me alone again.
FRIEND You don’t need anyone, bro. Go fly solo.
MAN I’m not responsible for what comes next. Accidents happen.
WIFE You’re not even going to fight. You’re just going to let this end.

ADAM climbs onto the back of the chair, facing the audience. When the chaos has built for several seconds, he puts his hands out in front of himself and grabs onto an imaginary rail. The ENSEMBLE falls silent.

ADAM I just want someone to stop me, and ask me if I’m alright. I’ll tell them the truth. All of it. No. I’m not alright. And I won’t jump.
TOURIST Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.

ADAM looks down and out to the audience.

TOURIST Isn’t the view amazing? Would you mind taking my photo, please?

ADAM and the ENSEMBLE gasp and hold their breaths. ADAM lets go of the rail and falls backwards. The audience should feel the effect of him falling. Before he hits the ground: blackout.
Day 28 - Tomorrow
Day 28/28 - beginnings

Uploaded as part of the 28 Plays Later challenge.

 space.org.uk/2015/01/05/28-pla…
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Why?
by Edward Dyer
Day 27/28

NOTE: Speech in brackets should not be spoken; they are for the actor’s benefit.

A father and daughter. He is reading a newspaper. She is eating her dinner.


- Daddy, I want some ice cream.
- When you’ve finished your dinner, dear.

- Daddy, Mum says you’re lazy.
- You’ll be lazy one day, dear.

- Daddy, this water tastes funny.
- Stop drinking from the dog’s bowl, dear.

- Daddy, where to babies come from?
- Ask your mother, dear.

- Daddy, am I an angel?
- You are to me, dear.

- Daddy, where does the sun go when it’s dark?
- The sun needs sleep, too, dear.

- Daddy, is that man sleeping on the street?
- He doesn’t have a home and a bed like you, dear.

Pause. She stops eating.

- Why?
- Because, dear, he can’t afford a house of his own.

- Why can’t I stay up late, Daddy?
- Because, dear, you need time to grow big and strong.

- Why does that woman have a moustache like you, Daddy?
- Because, dear, she’s old.

- Why do I have to eat my carrots, Daddy?
- Because, dear, then you’ll be able to see in the dark.

Pause. She stops eating.

- Why?
- Because, dear, there’s something in the carrots that makes your eyes stronger.
- Why?
- Because as they were growing, they absorbed it from the ground.
- Why?

Pause. He stops reading.

- Why can’t I see my own eyes?
- Because you’re looking (out of them).
- Why don’t we fall off the world as it spins?
- Because of a thing called (gravity).
- Why can’t I go to prison?
- You could but only (for a visit).
- Why can’t I ride in the boot when you take me to school?
- I wouldn’t be a very good (father if I let you).
- Why do my ears hurt when you sing?
- I didn’t think my singing (was that bad).
- Why can’t I see my words when they come out?
- You can’t see words because…
- Why am I so small?

Silence.

- Because you’re still young.

Silence.

- If I asked you why you loved me, what would you say?

Silence.

- Why?
- Because I love you, Daddy.
Day 27 - Why?
Day 27/28 - redo a previous challenge

Uploaded as part of the 28 Plays Later challenge.

 space.org.uk/2015/01/05/28-pla…
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Lemmings
by Edward Dyer
Day 26/28

Two actors are sitting on the edge of a cliff. They look down below for a moment. Then up. Down. Up. At each other.

YES. I’ve heard about lemmings.
NO. Lemmings?
YES. They all follow each other off cliffs. If one jumps, then so do all the rest.
NO. I’m not sure that’s exactly true.
YES. Yes. Yes it is.
NO. No. No it’s not.
YES. I can think of 250 ways that cats could commit suicide.
NO. But only 241 ways in which they could.
YES. Yes.
NO. Taking into account the first 9 lives they wasted trying, and failing, that leaves them with only 241.
YES. I agreed with you.
NO. Except that’s not quite true anyway. It only takes 1 success to be successful, so really, any cat, at any time, would only need 10 possible suicide attempts before they could finally do it.
YES. Yes.
NO. And even then, they could attempt the same thing 10 times before their luck ran out. I just guess it depends on how suicidal this particular cat was. Say, for a moment. He could take a gun and shoot himself in the head 10 times. That final bullet would be the one to do it. Finally end it all.
YES. Well, if we’re going to get logical about this: a cat wouldn’t be able to carry a gun.
NO. Carry, no. But maybe fire.
YES. It’s like a giraffe trying to hang itself. Can’t be done.
NO. Yes.
YES. Exactly.
NO. Or an ostrich being buried up to its neck in sand.
YES. Or a fish being drowned.
NO. I don’t think that’s specific to fish. There are plenty of things that you wouldn’t be able to drown.
YES. Although, come to think of it. If the fish was suicidal, I guess it would just hold its breath and…
NO. Do fish have lungs?
YES. Although, come to think of it. I guess if a fish was trying to commit suicide it would just swim up onto land.
NO. Unless you’re a goldfish.
YES. A goldfish?
NO. Yes.
YES. No.
NO. Yes! A goldfish might forget what it was doing, and realise that actually, “I didn’t want to die. Just because I wasn’t invited to that party, it doesn’t mean I want to follow the crowd, be a lemming all my life.” Maybe being a goldfish is the way forward.
YES. Ok.
NO. Let’s both be goldfish from now on.

Pause.

YES. I’ve heard about lemmings.
NO. Lemmings?
Day 26 - Lemmings
Day 26/28 - something that doesn't quite make sense

Uploaded as part of the 28 Plays Later challenge.

 space.org.uk/2015/01/05/28-pla…
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50 Things
by Edward Dyer
Day 25/28

A row of actors behind a desk filled with paper. They take turns to pick up a piece of paper. The following statements can be read in any order.


- Being ignored when you’re in a hurry and don’t have the time for this shit
- When you’re talking to a liar and you know they’re lying, but you can’t tell them you know they’re lying and you have to keep pretending you don’t know.
- Failing at something when you’ve tried really hard.
- Critical people who have no idea when they’re giving you feedback.
- When you’re accused of something things you didn’t do.
- When you have a headache for no reason and there’s nothing you can do to get rid of it before something really important.
- Traffic jams, when you’re so close to the exit you need.
- When the wireless Internet drops for no reason.
- When you get the headphone cord caught on something and it yanks them out.
- Slow walkers, or walkers that block up the path when you’re trying to get past.
- When you stub your toe on something and having no outlet for the pain.
- Stepping in something wet when you’ve just put clean socks on.
- When computer programs don’t respond, or crash, when you do something you’ve done a thousand times before.
- When people push into queues.
- Hoovers that get caught on doorframes when you’re pulling them from one room to the other.
- When the egg spills out when you’re making a fried egg.
- If you’ve seen my message on Facebook, when were you planning on replying?
- “Unexpected item in the bagging area,” when you’re told to “Place the item in the bagging area.”
- Adverts on online videos when you just want to watch the show and don’t care about anything else.
- When someone puts empty cartons back in the fridge.
- Facebook requests to join social games like Farmville and Candy Crush when you already rejected them a hundred times before.
- When you get a one-word reply to a text that you spent ages writing.
- When packing is impossible to get into.
- When people keep their phone turned off when you need them.
- When a video fails to load fast enough to avoid buffering.
- When Someone who uses the pan you’ve just washed before you have a chance to use it.
- When someone reads over your shoulder and you know they’re waiting for you to write more.
- When men wear make up.
- It’s when someone explains their really complicated diet and you think “Just stop eating junk food”.
- Fashion trends when they’re just fashion trends.
- ‘Comedy’.
- Chavs, when they use words like ‘bruv’, ‘innit’ and ‘sound’.
- When there is a blatant misuse of they’re, there, and their.
- Smokers when they try and convince you that smoking isn’t really that bad.
- When you still have adult acne years after you’ve suffered as a child.
- Poorly animated cartoons when the story is actually pretty good.
- When someone spits in public and you think, you could have just swallowed that.
- When someone is late and they didn’t tell you they would be late, and now you’ve wasted lots of time.
- Cyclists who ignore the rules of the road when they reach a red light.
- The word ‘bae’.
- Constant swearing when you’re just doing mundane every day things.
- When people can’t spell simple words.
- Dropping a biscuit in a cup of tea when you go in for a dunk.
- Train fares when they’re £7 yesterday and £64 today.
- Binge Drinking Culture.
- When you try to answer your phone, realise they’ve hung up, ring them back, and they don’t pick up.
- Pop stars who do weird things with their hands when they sing.
- When buses don’t arrive on time.
- Hot weather when you have to work.
- When sports commentators react like this is the most amazing thing ever.
Day 25 - 50 Things
Day 25/28 - hatred

Uploaded as part of the 28 Plays Later challenge.

 space.org.uk/2015/01/05/28-pla…
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The Fountain
by Edward Dyer
Day 24/28

The stage is split in two. Stage Left there is a fountain, freely pumping water. Stage Right are two men, BALSI and MAMARI. BALSI has a horrific wound on his head from falling rocks.

BALSI. Ca. (cough) Ah ca’ta.
MAMARI. Osa n-sae ca ut.
BALSI. Mamari?
MAMARI. Oma.
BALSI. S-isa n-li.
MAMARI. Ah graa. N-ul gu si’vorr, Balsi.

BALSI breathes deeply. His eyes flicker open and closed.

MAMARI. Balsi?

BALSI mumbles.

Al hiir ah! Al ah! Graa osa ras ut.
BALSI. Osa bit ras.
MAMARI. Oma.
BALSI. Hiir’mirr. Osa bit ras hiir’mirr. Ras osa… marl.
MAMARI. Oma. Osa bit ras hiir Mon’si. N-ah taal ah si Uraal.

He points.

BALSI. Oma. Mamari. Ah graa n-ah.
MAMARI. Uraal gu li.
BALSI. Osa marl mirr.
MAMARI. Bit ah al taal osa hiir’n-mirr. Osa lon ti mol Ca'n-sae.
BALSI. Ca’n-sae? N-oma ut!
MAMARI. Osa n-si ro mirr.

BALSI falls back to sleep. MAMARI shakes him.

MAMARI. Balsi! Si’vorr.
BALSI. Osa sae ca.
MAMARI. Oma. N-tu.
BALSI. Ah cata.

MAMARI looks over to the fountain. He is troubled. He dabs BALSI’s brow with some cloth. BALSI moans a little, seemingly not enough for the size of his wound.

MAMARI. Oma.
BALSI. Mamari?
MAMARI. N’ul gu si’vorr.

MAMARI leaves BALSI leaning against the wall. He steps towards the fountain. The lights intensify. The GUARDIAN appears, if only in spirit.

MAMARI. Mas?
GUARDIAN. N-ah graa n-bit cra’ras?
MAMARI. N-ca ma taal n-rath.
GUARDIAN. Ma graa?

The GUARDIAN comes to stand in front of the fountain.

MAMARI. Ah n-graa.
GUARDIAN. Pass.
MAMARI. Oma. Pass?
GUARDIAN. Si’rath ut gu tu. Si’tu. Si’pass.
MAMARI. Ah n-sul moth.
GUARDIAN. Moth n-rath.
MAMARI. N-oma?
GUARDIAN. Pass ro’say n-ah.

Pause.

Io coa’n-rath. Ca taal rath. Ah si’sae ut. Be’pass.
MAMARI. Ma taal rath?
GUARDIAN. Ah n-graa.
MAMARI. N-ah taal rath?
GUARDIAN. N-oma. Ma taal ca. N-ca, ah graa, ma taal n-rath bit ah’n-osa ro’Uraal.

MAMARI thinks.

MAMARI. Osa sul n-ut ro’cra…
GUARDIAN. Oma. Ah’n-osa ras ut. N-cra. Ma taal n-rath.

Pause.

Graa? Pass?

The lights fade briefly. BALSI stirs. MAMARI bends down to him with a small jug of water.

MAMARI. Ut. Ca’ta.

BALSI does so. He coughs and splutters, but he drinks.

N-ah’taal’rath.

MAMARI leaves the jug beside BALSI and then follows the GUARDIAN off SL.
Day 24 - The Fountain
Day 24/28 - made up language

Uploaded as part of the 28 Plays Later challenge.

 space.org.uk/2015/01/05/28-pla…

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TheFS
Edward Dyer
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
I've spent the last few years writing a full length novel called 'The Fallen Star'. I've reached a point where I really need some feedback, so I thought I'd come to one of the best known sites on the web =)

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:iconehsartem:
Ehsartem Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Wellcome!-fella-(messages) to :iconuniverse-artworks:
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Success fella (Reactions)You can share your awesome works and your favourites hereinafter in Universe-Artworks Gallery winker Fella (Reaction) Best wishes, Cheers fella white-wine (party) Fella Heart Kiss (Love)  
A simple preface for beginning; How Submit works in group gallery by Ehsan-m Submite works in Universe-Artworks gallery by Ehsan-m
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:iconwalt-marsters:
Walt-Marsters Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday. :party:
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:iconthefs:
TheFS Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks =D
How's life going for you?
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:iconwalt-marsters:
Walt-Marsters Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Can't complain. :)

Writing isn't going as smoothly as once it did, but those things happen. I'm getting a bit tired of the current storyline and I just want to conclude it. Only very vague ideas yet of what the next is going to be.

On the positive side, I am revising and compiling the material for the second book, which I think may actually be finished by the end of the month. Which is a lot faster than I thought, because quite honest, I've been doing that so long now, I thought it would never be finished. lol.
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Pixx-73 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the watch. :thanks:
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