It wasn't just about the eggs

Inside a large chicken coop, ARTHUR GRAHAM (sixty-seven, unkempt but respectable) is checking each of the hen hatches for eggs, SR and SL. Whenever he finds one he adds it to a basket CS. USC, pinned to the wall, is a large painted portrait of a chicken named ‘Geraldine’.

ARTHUR

I know I say this every day – I could have been wrong but I don’t think – I must have been crazy – it’s not like you ever did anything – you did your best – it’s my fault that I said yes in the first – at the start – say what you like about her she was – her heart was in the right place – I just want to make sure you understand why – why – bloody hell you deserve that much

it was my birthday my last birthday – you see my daughter – you probably remember her don’t you – you might have – should have – done – she came to see me and she gave me a gift – wonderful a wonderful present – but she hadn’t thought – her heart was in the right place – I was thinking bloody hell what am I meant to do with that it’s not the sort of things – you could – should want but it was a nice gesture – everyone knows – even the postman – can’t get enough of them eggs I mean whichever way they come cooking them boiled scrambled fried – Delma used to be sick of bloody eggs so when Harriet came with this gift I was pleased but a – confused

my garden wasn’t – I bought that extra plot from the Greggors – that big then and at first she knew – I thought there was going to be a problem in the garden – first thing I thought was how was I meant – going to cut the bloody lawn

a chicken coop – in my garden

two days later she introduced me to you – I wouldn’t quite say it was love at first sight – I knew straight away that you had – sometime – suspicious in your eye but I let that slide – eggs – it’s what gets me through the bloody day – especially if the aerial packs in again and I can’t watch the news and – the tennis isn’t on sometimes and I just need eggs – it’s bad enough they’ve upped my Pradaxa usage which means I’m – get dizzy all the bloody time and sometimes I’m just at home thinking about Delma and how the road outside should be resurfaced by the bloody government because of all the crashes – accidents – not to mention all of the trees need a good prune – you can hardly walk through the back alley back onto the Radford road because of the branches and grass and – oh – of course – you – it wasn’t – eggs – they get me through the day

for a while at least we did – we must have done – I got eggs every day from you – too many for – alone – and I even gave some away to the neighbours – you know the ones with the dog I – Spike maybe – but they didn’t have a problem with you because they stay up half the night because of Sp – the dog anyway – so they didn’t have a – mind at all – oh – you know these eggs are all due – thanks to you – you should be thankful for the neighbours – especially the Grants – if it wasn’t for their rooster I wouldn’t have – get eggs at all

I knew it was a bad idea to let you into the house – I was so lonely since a few years ago and it was nice to be able to hear someone – something – moving around just for a while – we spent a lot of time together – you and I

but you didn’t have to bloody go and start eating the collection of handwritten poems that I keep – kept in my study though – it’s things like that that get me on edge and you know you shouldn’t have – eating them when I came in – I could see it in your eyes – you were laughing at me and I hated the way that you clucked and didn’t bloody care that all my poems were in tatters

things got worse

and worse

I kept seeing you watching me with that strange stare like you were judging me and I couldn’t stand it – eggs or no eggs – I couldn’t keep living like that – this – and I started having dreams that you were gone and I could live my life normally again and there wasn’t chicken poo all over the garden and – in the porch didn’t smell – even the Grant’s rooster started staying away – bloody hell what did you do to stop him coming to visit – Jesus Geraldine – I couldn’t stand you any more and I’m sorry

but you were – delicious

I don’t want you – think that I’m a monster Geraldine –

as soon as the plate was empty I realised – a horrible churning in my stomach – I was – felt so ashamed of myself – I couldn’t let Harriet – tell her what had happened so I ran out into the garden and found the last eggs and brought it into the kitchen – under the lamp I kept it warm and in a couple of – twenty-four days I think I had enough – chick – she looked just like you – I called her Mabel – but I didn’t want to stop and I couldn’t – I wanted to make you proud – Geraldine – I bought this coop and I just kept going

it was all about the eggs at first – but now it’s all about you – Geraldine

but I do still love eggs.