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January 13, 2013
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2007

Resolution:
Make first million after starting own business.

Progress:
:bulletblack: Applied for a loan. Declined due to excessive account activity. Note: Constant purchasing of rare (albeit mint) wicker chairs is not conducive to bank balance. Wife insistent on selling wicker chairs to find money to start business.
:bulletblack: Bought new donut recipe book. Learnt how to make category hard donut, 'Diamond Swizzler'. Delma loves them.
:bulletblack: James offered to lend the money if he can become a business partner. Potential.
:bulletblack: First million still a long way off. Wife still nagging.
:bulletblack: Spent savings on replacing the roof of the conservatory when neighbor's tree uprooted in the November storm.

Update: Dogs should never be fed over two donuts a day. Next Year's Resolution likely…? Find enough money to take Delma to the vets. And make more realistic resolution idea.


2008

Resolution:
Find an appropriate business idea.

Progress:
:bulletblack: Neighbor's rebelling. Tree apparently 'not their fault' and so they refuse to pay compensation. Bank account dangerously low.
:bulletblack: Wife threatening to burn the chairs if they're not sold by the end of the summer. Note: Wife is always wrong.
:bulletblack: James pitched 'Chaposta' a new taxi service that incorporates both Chaperoning and the relaxing coffee blends found in Costa. I suggested 'Costaroning'. Not well received. Idea has potential. Wife unconvinced.
:bulletblack: Finding affinity for donut making. Could this be a potential career? Note: Delma is recovering nicely.
:bulletblack: Felt down one day, so bought a new car. Wife still nagging. Unimpressed with car.

Update: Bonfire night was unusually bright this year. Wicker chair collection dwindling.


2009

Resolution:
See last year's resolution.

Progress:
:bulletblack: 'Chaposta' ridiculed in monthly newsletter 'Taxiing for the Masses'. Costa suing. Wife may have been right about the business idea.
:bulletblack: Neighbors moving. Too much hate mail.
:bulletblack: Wife becoming fat. I don't know why.


2010

Resolution: Buy donut shop.

Progress:
:bulletblack: Started selling donuts to the local community. Great success. Wife still getting fatter. May be the donuts.
:bulletblack: James is moving to Canada. Costa cannot sue him there. He mentioned he has family living in Climax, in Saskatchewan. Note: Learn to stop laughing at Climax..
:bulletblack: Wicker Chairs insurance came through. Less than half promised. Paid off outstanding payments on the car. Wife wants to spend excess on gym membership.
:bulletblack: New neighbors. Worse than before. Heavy rockers.
:bulletblack: Delma worsening.
:bulletblack: Realised I haven't made any progress towards donut shop. Found local shop, 'Little Gems' closing. Started enquiries to renting property.

Update: Bought the rights to 'Little Gems' retail plot after relocation. Cheap price due to owner getting hit by car.

Update 2: Wife admits she hit the owner of 'Little Gems' in our new car. That explains the dents. Missed funeral.


2011

Resolution:
Open business.

Progress
:bulletblack: None.

Update: Delma died.
Update 2: Wife left.


2012

Resloution:
Find apartment. Find enough money for food.

Progress:
:bulletblack: Wife took everything in the divorce settlement. Except 1,500 premade donuts for the shop that never opened. I fear they've gone stale. Missing Delma.
:bulletblack: Found apartment. Named all thirteen resident cockroaches.
:bulletblack: James found wife in Climax. Joined threesome. Note: If I ever find money again, move to Climax.
:bulletblack: Wife claims I hit owner of 'Little Gems'. Manslaughter trails start soon. Outcome: unhopeful.
:bulletblack: Becoming known as 'local' at nearby foodbank.
:bulletblack: Accidently killed Samuel Cockroach. Moving funeral.

Update: Despite everything, Climax still hilarious.


2013

Resolution:
Stay alive.

Progress:
:bulletblack: Still alive.
:bulletblack: Pen runn ng out.

Up ate: S arted play ng lotte y.
U da e 2: P n alm s out.


2014

Res l tio :
Win lo t ery

Progress:
:bulletblack: Done. 150 million Jackpot.
:bulletblack: Bought new pen.
:bulletblack: Moved to Climax.
:bulletblack: Found new wife.
:bulletblack: Bought new dog. Named Delma the Second.
:bulletblack: Opened 'Donuts Galore'.
:bulletblack: No wicker chair beyond grasp.

Update: Life is finally perfect.


Final word from Doctor Lewis Talbot

Diagnosis:
Patient suffering from final stages of CDF (Chronic Delusional Fantasy), brought on by stress following divorce.

Medication:
450mg of Diaproxaline
200mg of Antimorphaltrexaline

Prognosis:
Recovery unlikely. Delusion has become reality. Credit crunch still in effect. Ex-wife still obese. Cockroaches recently exterminated.

Delusional preferable.
Here is something completely different to anything I've ever tried before. Let's see if it works.

Written as part of a #Love-Literature contest found here.

Prompt: Resolutions.
Word Count: 686.

Best surprise to wake up this morning to a DD, thanks to `GrimFace242 for suggesting it and ^Beccalicious for featuring it =D
I never knew this piece would attract so much attention when I wrote it!
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-03-10
Resolution Diary by *TheFS ( Suggested by GrimFace242 and Featured by Beccalicious )
:icondragonawakener:
I will be critiquing this for SuperWritersHelp.

Let me begin by saying I'm not entirely sure how to critique this, but I'll give it a go. :) I think the diary style is quite an interesting idea. It has realistically short entries and notes, though the shortness also proves problematic to me. In my opinion it makes it somewhat more difficult to connect with the character.

There were a few things I felt needed correction. The first "Spent saving on replacing the roof-" This may be wrong, but when I hear the word "saving" used like this it is ended with an "s" as a plural.

The second thing I found was "Manslaughter trails start soon" I believe you meant "trials"

This is only an opinion. "Despite everything. Climax still hilarious" should be one sentence.

At the very end it mentions the wife is still obese. This seems an odd comment since just before it says the delusions are brought on by stress caused by the divorce, so there is no wife anymore.

I loved how the entries grew shorter with the bleakness of the situations and I especially loved the pen running out of ink, that was a very nice touch.

This was a very interesting read that I found quite funny. Thank you for submitting it to :iconsuperwritershelp:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconsurreptitiousbloomer:
SurreptitiousBloomer Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Writer
Congratulations on the DD! You pretty much deserved it :)
Reply
:iconthefs:
TheFS Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! =D
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Forgot to say, and congratulations on the well deserved DD! :D
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Really loved this. I think this wound up being a really effective way of approaching this content, and the pen running out was a great touch, too.
Reply
:iconthefs:
TheFS Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't plan any of it when I started writing. In fact, I was in a rush to go meet someone. Glad you liked it ^^
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, well, you did extremely well. I really loved it. Not sure why it wasn't fav'd before, but it is now!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   Writer
:icongahplz: *U[p]date and I'm through messing up your DD congrats. Did I congratulate you at least? Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   Writer
*sigh
I meant Udate: [etc.] below. :icondownarrowplz:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   Writer
Here's more attention for ya' -- this put a smile on my face, and believe me, that's hard to do these days.
I could sound as mournful as the worst music you never want to hear again, but this piece is irresistible.
Outcome: Delusion well-expressed by *TheFS Thank you. :+fav:
Reply
:iconthefs:
TheFS Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Smiles are great. Giving out smiles is even better.

Thanks =D ^^
Reply
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