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The Bosnian and the SquirrelA jostling horde of local folks had clustered round to stare
At an unprecedented vision, unique, un-heard-of, rare.
They curiously viewed the gypsies, who had travelled all the land,
Bringing tales of woe and fortune, and with an outstretched hand,
The Bosnian played his music
His song of pain and sorrow
Wondering if he'd still be there
To play again tomorrow.
The accordion in his clammy hands was tired and old and stained
The keys were smeared with smoke and ash, the dazzling silver waned.
But unlike the furrows of his brow, a squirrel danced upon his shoulder
With joy and youth and boundless awe
With happiness, it danced, and mo

Fatal (Pt 2.)INT. ELIZABETH'S BEDROOM. Morning.

The sun is shining over the bed. The radio clicks on at 10:00AM and 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' plays. ELIZABETH wakes slowly. She is alone. She listens for a moment and hears MARTIN downstairs.

MARTIN makes continual noise downstairs. ELIZABETH reaches into the side drawer and finds an envelope. She pulls out a couple of photos. She flicks through them and sees a few of her and Martin, and then one of him in hospital. She is asleep next to his bed.

There is another noise from downstairs, louder. ELIZABETH flinches and scrambles to hide the photos again. She quickly pulls on a dressing gown and goes dow

Fatal (Pt 1.)INT. ELIZABETH'S FRONT ROOM. Evening. 2012.

The night is dark. The streetlight is only dim. There is a knock at the front door of ELIZABETH's house, a narrow terrace property in the outskirts of London. ELIZABETH, 32, answers the door, slowly. She tries to smile for HARRY, 36, an old friend. The lights inside the house are brighter, but not any more welcoming.

HARRY
(Hugging)
Liz. It's good to see you again.

ELIZABETH
Yes.

HARRY
You've grown your hair.

ELIZABETH
Oh. Yes.

HARRY
(Lingering pause)
So, is he coming?

ELIZABETH
Yes. He'll be right out.

HARRY
It's quite cold tonight. Something in the air. Must be snow.

ELIZABETH
S

Midnight Stars   Midnight stars
flurry through the night.
Like the glimmer in your eye.
The twinkle from your soul of beauty
      radiates the blackened space
        around my lonely
   lovestruck heart.

TFS: Trapped Within - Chap4

FOUR

With the sun high overhead, the Woodlands of Liaport glowed with a solemn light. Any nearby Wrei sought protection in the darkness of sheltered caves and hidden shadows. Rantil started along the path leading eastwards to Laybar, knowing that, at least while it was day, he would be safe.

The path veered south; and soon, he was trekking through the wilderness again towards Shieef's cabin, which was waiting for him in the depths of the woodlands.

Rain from the previous night sparkled on the leaves of the trees, making Liaport look serene and alive with a magical life. Rantil kept onwards. It seemed strange to him that in such a place of

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Submitted: September 8, 2012
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Updated Map of Truaineby ~TheFS

Traditional Art / Drawings / Fantasy

I have redone the Map of Truaine (found here:[link]). There is a LOT more detail, both in places that are visited in The Fallen Star and places that aren't. I just figured it sets the scene

Update: added a Compass and a Scale.

I would love to colour it etc, but I'm not sure how. So if anyone can help me with that...?

Let me know what you think!

Critique by ~Evaberry Jan 5, 2013, 8:01:30 AM

This map just blew me away! I was scanning for anything bad and just couldn't find any! The only thing I have to say is that on some of the smaller fonts, it is a bit hard to read, but it may be because I don't have my glasses on? Haha.

The color scale (Since I see it's not in there) that I think would suit this is Green-Brown-Red or Green-Red on the elevation levels.

I won't comment on the fact that it isn't colored though, because I read through the comments and I realized that you did know to color it but not how to contour.

I don't believe you really need to contour much (But I'm terrible myself so how would I know?) I suggest looking at actual maps. If I were you, I would go and buy a map (If you can) to see exactly how they do things and how they color the elevations. (For me, I have to physically touch it)

Hope I helped you with this review in any way and hope I gave a good review.

What do you think?

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~SanctuaryOfStars Dec 2, 2012 Student Writer

Dang buddy, this ia an incredible map. I LOVE the Key especially. If anything added to realism I think it is shipping routes and roads, I can almost imagine the landscape too.

~TheFS Dec 2, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Cheers man, I'm glad you like it

~nykol-haebrd Oct 9, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Nice map! I love maps and am currently designing some for my fantasy novels as well. This is beautiful work ^_^

~TheFS Oct 10, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Just had a quick peek through some of your work; it's really good

Much better than I can do!

If you ever want me to read through some of your novel, I'd be happy to give it a look through

~nykol-haebrd Oct 10, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Aww...thanks

That would be great!

Here's the link to the completed prologue and chapter one of my novel The Riders of Redrog: [link] . Here's the link to the rest of the folder of the chapters I have posted so far: [link] . I even have a glossary in there for the language I made up for the dragons of that world. Some terms are used in the novel.

Your input would be awesome!

~TheFS Oct 10, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I've had a similar issue with words of my fantastical world and, though it's not as advanced as yours seems to be, I've also got my own language (but its only referenced on the map so far - as the Nourich Desert isn't explored until the second book). It's an annoying problem, defining words. It's frustrating to swap between a glossary and the actual text because it tears you away from the action and you lose your place. I don't know if you noticed in my first chapter, the underlined words? Where you hover over them with your cursor to reveal the definition. Could that work well for you here? People seem to have received that quite well.

For example: liacha vines

I'll have a read through your first chapter tomorrow when I've got a spare hour or so to have a good read! I'm looking forward to it

~nykol-haebrd Oct 10, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

It's not really that big of an issue in mine, as I put plenty of context so the readers can figure it out. I've just had various deviants ask if I could post a glossary, so I did. Although, if you could tell me in detail how you did that effect with your terms, I might make use of it sometime.

Enjoy your read!

~TheFS Oct 11, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I thought I'd done enough context, but people still managed to get confused!

But anyway, here is what you type: (without spaces)
< acronym title="Text that pops up">< u>shown text</u></acronym>
Which gives:
shown text

you can change the < u> to a b bold, or i italics - I don't know how familiar you are with html coding.

~nykol-haebrd Oct 11, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Interesting...Yeah, with mine, it's actually going to be a book in print, so I have to have a glossary in the back anyway, but I'll try out what you gave me here. Thanks

I don't know much about html at all, but what you gave me seems pretty straight forward.

~Nalatos Sep 9, 2012 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Since you want critique, I don't know what you had access to. I find the contour lines difficult to read. I would have used colored lines to differentiate between elevation. And perhaps not quite as dark. I do really like how much thought and detail you have put into place names, I personally have a lot of difficulty when it comes to naming things like that.

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